All I want is to be free,
Like a lost refugee attempting to flee.
My soul longing for an escape
Held in place by a single piece of tape.
While my wrists are held together by broken promises to quit;
And my brain continues to chant: “Do it!”
People pray that in the morning they will wake,
But when my eyes open I want to beak.
I can’t move, cant breathe, can’t even function,
Like I’m not even me, someone’s abduction.
Long sleeves on to hide my wrists
Which look as though I’ve been writing very long lists.
Because no one will ever know
The pain I choose to never show.
So I’ll fake a smile
But just for awhile.
Until I’m home alone,
Alone in my own zone.
I am not a lost cause!
But I am filled to the top!
As the blood begins to increase.
As the cloth fills with regret.
I close my eyes
Hoping this will be the last of many tries.
Because I am a lost refugee attempting to flee,
And all I want is to be free
I have suffered from depression for the last 4 years. When I wrote this spoken word a friend of mine passed away and my depression hit me. I couldn’t get our last conversation out of my head, he was leaving to go on vacation and made me promise that when he returned My wrists would be clean. We hugged and parted ways for what I thought was going to be 2 weeks but it turned into forever. In the heat of the moment I wanted to release the pain like I always used to but while looking for my razor I found a pencil and began writing, writing how it felt instead of actually feeling it. This actually worked and when I read it over it actually flowed and rhymed and so I kept it. Reluctantly it became my spoken word and on the first day in front of a member of the school board, my principal, my vice principal, my teacher, oh and 30 of my peers I announced my darkest secret. Since then I have felt a lot mor confidence in myself, I haven’t been this happy in years.